Sober dating is harder than getting sober — and twice as worth it

The first thing everyone in recovery learns about dating is: don't do it in the first year. The second thing is that almost everyone does it anyway. I lasted eight months before I downloaded the app.

Sober dating is a different animal than dating while drinking, and nobody prepares you for the specific ways it's harder. When you drink on dates, you have a social lubricant, a ritual, a shared activity that fills silences and blurs edges. First-date jitters dissolve after the second glass. Vulnerability is easier when everything is slightly softened.